Who were you becoming before you knew you had a choice?

Long before we can explain ourselves, we’re learning about trust, independence, belonging, and what it takes to be loved. Those lessons can shape how we ask for help, handle uncertainty, experience closeness, and decide whether we’ve done enough. They don’t stop shaping us when we become adults. Or when we acquire an impressive job title.

Human development was my favorite course in grad school. It gave me language for parts of my own story I had lived but hadn’t fully understood—and deepened my curiosity about yours.

Drawing on Erik Erikson’s eight psychosocial stages, we can explore where you’ve been, what you’re navigating now, and who you want to become. Each stage introduces a central tension, such as trust versus mistrust or identity versus role confusion, and a strength we may develop through navigating it. We also explore the adaptive and maladaptive patterns shaped by those experiences—how they helped you cope, where they may now limit you, and what new possibilities you’d like to develop.

These stages offer a lens, not a deadline. Earlier themes can return through relationships, parenting, work, loss, and change. We explore them with room for your culture, circumstances, and individual path through life.

Trust · Autonomy · Initiative · Competence · Identity · Intimacy · Contribution · Reflection

Stages of Becoming

· · Stages of Becoming · · Trust · Autonomy · Initiative · Competence · Identity · Intimacy · Contribution · Reflection

· · Stages of Becoming · · Trust · Autonomy · Initiative · Competence · Identity · Intimacy · Contribution · Reflection

You don’t have to finish becoming.

At any age, there’s room to understand an old response, reconsider an expectation, or practice a different way of relating, leading, and being.

As you explore the stages, consider: What did you learn then? How does it show up now? What would you like to have more choice about?

The stories behind the stages.

These questions also shape my forthcoming book, You’re Doing It: Stages of Becoming. Part memoir, part psychoeducation, it brings together personal stories, human development, attachment, addiction, and nearly three decades of working with people to explore how we become ourselves. Including the parts that never make it onto a résumé.

Explore My Forthcoming Book →

Explore the Eight Stages of Becoming
(You and everyone you know are in one right now.)

  • Stage 1: Infancy (Birth–1 year)

    Crisis: Trust vs. Mistrust
    Virture: Hope
    *
    Our earliest relationships introduce us to safety, care, and whether others will respond to our needs.

    Can you let someone show up for you without preparing to be disappointed?

  • Stage 2: Toddler (Ages 1–3)

    Crisis: Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt
    Virtue: Will
    * *
    As we begin doing things ourselves, we explore independence, choice, and what happens when we make mistakes.

    Are you making your own choices, or asking for permission without realizing it?

  • Stage 3: Preschool (Ages 3–6)

    Crisis: Initiative vs. Guilt
    Virtue: Purpose
    * * *
    We begin initiating activities, expressing ideas, and discovering how others respond to our curiosity.

    What would you begin if wanting something didn’t make you feel guilty?

  • Stage 4: School (Ages 6–12)

    Crisis: Industry vs. Inferiority
    Virtue: Competence
    * * * *
    Learning, practicing, and receiving feedback help shape our sense of competence.

    Who are you when you’re not proving you’re good at something?

  • Stage 5: Adolescence (Ages 12–18)

    Crisis: Identity vs. Role Confusion
    Virtue: Fidelity
    * * * * *
    We explore who we are, what we believe, and where we belong. L

    How much of your life feels like you—and how much feels like who you learned to be?

  • Stage 6: Early Adulthood (Ages 18–40)

    Crisis: Intimacy vs. Isolation
    Virtue: Love
    * * * * * *
    We explore how to build meaningful relationships while maintaining a sense of self.

    Do people know you, or just know they can count on you?

  • Stage 7: Middle Adulthood (Ages 40–65)

    Crisis: Generativity vs. Stagnation
    Virtue: Care
    * * * * * * *
    Our attention may turn toward contribution, care, and what we want to help grow.

    What are you giving your energy to, and is it what you want to help grow?

  • Stage 8: Late Adulthood (Ages 65+)

    Crisis: Integrity vs. Despair
    Virtue: Wisdom
    * * * * * * * *
    We reflect on our lives, making meaning of our choices, relationships, accomplishments, and regrets.

    If your life stopped being a list of accomplishments, what would make it feel like a life you’re glad you lived?

What are you becoming curious about?

Understanding your life through the stages of human development can help you make sense of how you became who you are: what you learned, how you adapted, and what you still carry. Therapy offers space to explore what continues to serve you, what you’d like to change, and who you want to become.

Explore Therapy →
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